Monday, November 28, 2011

Humility Follows Humbling


“There is a Light and it never goes out…” lyrics from a song that my yoga teacher plays while we lay in Sivasana.  There is that place which is the same within you and me and all of life…. That place of Love and Freedom and Joy…. That place of Peace that passes all understanding…. That place of reprieve and restoration…. That place which seems to whisper wisdom when we need it most… that place I call God.  In today’s morning meeting we discussed humility and, in the 12 &12, humility is defined as the desire to know God’s will for us.  It occurred to me that this is an action word that requires movement, on our part, in the direction of our higher power…. God.  As a new thought student I have spent a lot of time telling God what I want and in the use of certain Spiritual Principle, I have co-created many things…. most of which I found I did not want in the end anyway.   In recent months I have discovered that my truest desire is to live God’s will and God’s will alone, for my life.  My sponsor loves to point out the quote at the bottom of p. 69 in the big book that reads “God alone” and although I had an aha moment while we were meeting the other day – something along the lines of wow, that doesn’t include me, I still sense that I haven’t had the aha that she has had around this and so…. I will keep coming back.  I realized that being humble is sexy and being the opposite, really is not!  There is a healthy radiant confidence from one who is right sized in God.  This is a shining light and does not appear anything like the false confidence of the “I did this” attitude of the ego.  My ego got a hold of the reigns last week as I resisted and resisted until finally I had been humbled so many times that I realized I had forgotten to seek God’s will for my life AND dedicate myself to the commitment of following through with the guidance given.  I was being less than open and charming with my sponsor and she did this thing that she tends to do, “love me when I wasn’t loving myself.”   What a profoundly powerful experience this continues to be. If I am not loving myself than I have no space to love others.  Another definition of humility offered this morning was not to think less of ourselves but to think of ourselves less often.  So today I claim an attitude of giving-ness of humility and helpfulness and in all earnestness I ask to know God’s will for my life.  I ask God to reveal to me how I can serve another, or many others?  I surrender my will as my ideas, thoughts, opinions and plans to the Divine idea of my life.  I allow God to be the Good Director of my show.   Today, I am experiencing welcomed humility which feels much better than the un-welcomed pain of humbling process.  Today I am pulled by inspiration, not pushed by pain. Infinite Love

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