Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Slices of Heaven Pie

IT’s true, we can expect a life of miracles that arrive through our dedication and practices.  Yes, we live “life on life’s terms” but there are such tangible and significant miracles that occur when we are living life on life’s terms and doing it/being it through a spiritual program.  It is especially important to crank the spiritual program up when the rapids of life get big – I have yet to find anything but immeasurable gifts on the other side of a challenging situation when I have leaned into my spiritual program.

I wake with the vision for my life alive and oh so well.  It is oozing out my every cell with such sweet goodness.  I feel ripe, inspired and alive.  Is it the “dying rightly, living rightly” workshop that I have been taking with Lexie Potamkin, is it the work I am doing on my fourth step, is it my yoga practice or the subtle but powerful life energy I receive from my winter hikes, is it the forgiveness practice that is leading to such sweet miracles?  I don’t know, all of it really.  As my sister said to me yesterday when you are in alignment with that which is True and Real inside of you, you have plenty of energy to meet life with vigor, with fervor with peaceful might.  This is precisely how I feel right now.  I feel vital and inspired.  I keep showing up for life and that presence which is Infinitely Bigger than me keeps revealing itself to me.  All of my practices are important… from the compassion I intend to show to each that I meet, to the forgiveness practice that I was called to just a few days ago, to writing this blog, to trying new seminars, to talking with a Christian minister or a Jewish Rabi, to each and every meeting that I show up to, my meditation in the morning and my prayer throughout the day… it is each a part of the dynamic kaleidiscope that IS my spiritual life.  What I put into my spiritual life is what reflects back to me.  There is a process and I would say that I have been on a dedicated spiritual journey for the last 13 years.  Sobreity has really unlocked the Freedom to be fully alive in my heart and to reap the true gifts of spirituality but my point is that it Is truly just starting to get so so sweet.  IT is truly getting to the point where I feel most of the time, buoyant upon the wings of something greater than I.  I have toggled between my will and God’s will and been quite masterfully disastrous at taking my will back and landing like the prodigal son face down in the mudd.  I learned that this did not dissapoint some deity in the sky but only disappointed myself.  I have prayed in the wee hours of the morning and wrestled with my angels, I have had a complete faith crisis where for the first time in my life I was honestly asking whether God existed, I have walked with those in sobriety and those in active addiction and found God in both places, I have felt the fire of my egos resistance and touched the Pure Light of my soul.  Sometimes I feel the Presence of God “closer than my breath” and sometimes I just know from life experience that it is there.  I have learned to create through the power of my intention and I am learning to be more skillful at finding the balance between creation and surrender.  I spend a lot more time in surrender these days than I do in creation for I have learned to trust my God implicitly.  I have learned that God is bigger and more infinite than my mind could ever even begin to conceive so I don’t try to conceive to totality of a God that I could pretend to comprehend or understand.  Instead I taste god through awe-inspired humility as it reveals itself in my daily life and whispers through the central chord of my soul.   

This is a journey that in the deepest place in my soul, I am grateful, does not have a final destination, but  through our practices – sobriety, yoga, church, hiking, skiing, surfing(whatever it is that brings you to the feeling of Oneness with all that is) we can begin to experience and embody slices of Infinite heaven pie, right here on earth.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Empowered through Forgiveness

Return again to your forgiveness practice and empower yourself to be free, allowing nothing and no-one to deter, defer or hinder the fullness of Light that is occurring as your evolutionary growth.  I just finished a forgiveness practice this morning and I will return again to this practice throughout my day but I feel so much better than I did last night.  The first kingdom of consciousness kicked in for me last night through some old and familiar feelings of not being good enough.  It’s silly because I feel better about myself than I think that I ever have and astonishing how quickly another’s resistance or old ideas of me can kick up the feeling of not being good enough. So there is some chord within me that agrees with what is being said about me.  So, I give thanks to identify and examine this chord within me and doing a little more healing work around it.  I give thanks to those teachers in my life who are giving me the opportunity to forgive again and to forgive myself for holding anything but love for myself.  This situation is a reflection of something within me….if it weren’t there wouldn’t be any charge at all.  I am through struggling against them and myself around this topic.  I am through and my way out of this is to release the resistance I feel to these folks, spend time in forgiveness and go on my way living my life allowing them to completely feel the way they do – guaranteed it will naturally shift on it’s own and the Big G O D doesn’t need any help from me in the realm of changing their minds or hearts, right now.  The important thing as the fact that this is rich ground for growth and for healing and a place where I get to honestly look at myself and take responsibility which Michael Beckwith so beautifully writes is “response-able.” In the stillness this morning I remember that I am “good enough” and that I am able to respond and not confined to reacting any longer.  I respond in my heart with a “yes, I can see your concern” and “no, it is not stemming from the woman I am today.”  My responsibility lies in the fact that I was in active addiction and have hurt people through the process and funnily enough I am currently working on my fourth step and of course this stuff is “up for healing.”  I chose to heal and to grow, not to succumb to the draining exhaustion of my taunting ego.  The path that I have walked is one that I do not regret for a moment.  Let’s face it – I have never been one to follow in the footsteps of the masses…. My nature is to blaze my own trail and part of what this comes with is resistance and you know what, that’s ok.  Many mystics that I admire weren’t in the game for anyone or anything but the driving force within their hearts which led them down the road less traveled.  Through my forgiveness I un-entangle myself and others from the needless tie’s to resentment which no longer serves us.  I allow God to flood the rest with Light and Love and embrace the mystery of what is to unfold.  Through forgiveness I am empowered.  Blessings.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Dance of Vulnerability is The Dance of Intimacy

I had the most beautiful dream of collecting my brother’s things…. his baseball hats, pictures and other things.  This brother was named Wilder and he passed doing what he loved over 25 years ago.  I still remember how much I loved him – he was 11 and I was 5 when he transitioned, while skiing.  In this dream he had a blog…. I know – silly right because in 1986 a blog wasn’t even a glimmer in some genius’s eye and although I questioned this in the dream there was some answer than anyone with a computer could write a blog.  I don’t know what it all means, but I do know that it is the inspiration for me here this morning.  Life becomes increasingly clear through sobriety, yoga and spirituality – the past, present and the future.  I find myself walking through periods of my life that I must have stored deep down inside of me or simply didn’t have the presence or capacity to experience in the muddied waters of an unclear consciousness.  I am grateful for the presence to experience these types of things.  I feel connected to my brother this morning, I feel connected to my desire to be creative through my writing, I feel connected to my clarity about my life.  I feel connected which by itself is a good feeling.  The fullness of life is unleashed in clarity.  So, as memories are released into our life for our review, allow them, my sense is that they are there for a reason.  I have a friend on this journey who lost her brother in a car accident just a few years ago and sometimes it is as if she is feeling it for the first time.  No matter what we used to stuff the experience of difficult feelings or how long it’s been if, you are feeling something, it is real and valid – feel it and share it.  Share the ups and the downs and the all arounds.  Sharing is vital part of our healing.  Listen more than you share but always share and if you never share than shoot to share more than you listen.  There is a fine opportunity for healing in the balance of sharing and listening.  This very dance is the dance of intimacy and intimacy is one of the most precious gifts in the world.  Dare to be vulnerable and you dare to find a strength that surpasses any you have felt by standing alone.  In gratitude for the message and inspiration from my brother, Wilder.  Much Love on your journey today!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Return Again to Letting Go

There is a tulip plant with three beautiful tulips on my desk.  When I bought it the flowers were tightly closed and so beautiful in that stage of their evolution and development.  This morning I am so grateful for them because two of them especially have opened wide to the fullness of this stage of their evolution.  There is one that is a little slower on the journey and it reminds me of myself this morning.  The others remind me that it is my nature to open fully and the third reminds that it is ok to be just exactly where I am in my own growth.  Like life often does, I feel slightly fatigued by the rantings of my ego’s desire to control, not just a little life, but all of life.  Yesterday morning in our meeting we(I mean the old timers) discussed the importance of sharing when it’s good and sharing when we feel challenged – how both are vitally important to our sobriety and our lives.  Perhaps one of the most remarkable components of the program is the level of honesty that exists in the rooms.  It is rare to find the level of honesty and therefore the level of healing that occurs in the rooms.  In light of this wisdom I am going to share here that my ego has tired me out over the past couple of days.  It tells me that in order for me to be safe that I need to control the whole outcome and have all of the answers, right now!  I have grown enough at this point to realize and remember that this is not the spiritual nature of me speaking, it is the egoic self whose purpose is to keep me small.  For example, there is this promotion available at work that I have a goal in alignment with and yet the interviews are not going to be held until the third week in March.  You should have seen the angst that I felt surrounding this yesterday.  Luckily I used the antedote for fear which is faith – active faith in this case included conversations from the Big Spiritual Me to the Little Spiritual Me, Prayer, talking with a friend and continuous cycles of exactly this throughout the day.  I was blessed to find myself re-centered and flooded with waves of peace and knowing that this is all working out beyond my ideas of good so I can just relax….again – a stark contrast to the moments of fear I felt for losing something I don’t even have.  How interesting it has been to witness myself go through moments like these and others which have made clear some wonderful opportunities for growth in my life.  The BIG lesson – show up and LET GO.   Show up Ash, and let go.  Enjoy the day… be here now.  All of the gifts that I could possibly desire for this day, are indeed here now waiting for my present attention to reveal themselves to me.  In this moment I surrender my ego to the high vibration of my soul, of the one life, the life of God the Good, God the Beauty, God the Love, God the one that knows the inner workings of my soul like no other, God the great orchestrator of my life and of all life.  I let Go.  I Surrender to the stillness within me.  

Thursday, February 23, 2012

"All You Have to Change Is Everything"

Three meetings and some time with my sponsor were just what the Doctor ordered and without a glitch, the application of these tools of the program, leave me feeling peaceful and grateful for my sobriety, once again.  I was driving with one of my best friends to work yesterday and we were discussing the vibration of alcohol.  You see, she and I are on separate but parallel spiritual paths.  Over the years we have grown individually and together in such a way that has deepened our relationship tremendously and somewhat surprisingly our friendship is one of those that I had not expected to stand the test of time.  Ultimately though I am on the journey with those who are conscious about their evolution and growth and intentional about their own development and growth.  We may not see eye to eye on every detail but that is the beauty of one who is truly grounded in their faith – the game of right and wrong is eliminated.    We can respectfully accept one another on a deep level.  I love my friend and I am still grateful for the conversation and perspective that ensued.

Anyhow, she was saying that since she began her spiritual work, drinking just isn’t the same.  It doesn’t “feel good” in the way it used to.  She is not an alcoholic and I was so grateful to hear her say this because it dispelled the lie that my disease had begun to spin again about the romantic fun that alcohol provides.  IN my own contemplation and revelations I surmise that there was a point when alcohol had a higher vibration than the average vibration of an individual or society as a whole.  However, as more and more of us are waking up and therefore existing at a higher vibratory level, alcohol is now a lower vibration than that which we live.  This then is the reason that it doesn’t feel quite like the elevating experience that it used to.  With the current paradigm shift that is occurring, we are attracted to and attracting a whole different set of experiences to match the new vibration of our souls.  Those things that used to work for us, no longer serve us and can feel quite dark and pretty confusing to the “old self” that used to participate joyfully in certain low level activities.  I think that’s why it is said in the program that “all you have to change is everything.” 

What is elevating in my life right now is EVERYTHING.  I am so tapped into the vision for my life, to my dreams, to gratitude and love and freedom.  I am so tapped into the source, the bedrock at the center of my soul.  I am sober to be tapped in, to be connected, to be the source within me unleashed in it’s fullness.  I feel this happening in every area of my life so it is no wonder that my disease is kicking up a fit right now as everything gets so good.   Would I really want to throw all of that away for a measly glass of wine? NO! I am going to keep using the tools in my toolbox and keep showing up for my sense and now my experience is proving that this is the life I cam to live.  I love sobriety with my resistance and all!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Sobriety First. Period.

“The great obsession of every alcoholic/addict is that they will once again drink like a normal person.”  I dragged myself to a morning meeting yesterday after several long days of working and plenty of time since my last meeting which is the equation for resistance to going to a meeting.  Have you ever noticed that resistance grows the further we get from our last meeting.  I do – big time.  They say that you are either one step closer to your next drink or one step closer to your sobriety.  I hadn’t gotten this in previous attempts at sobriety but this time I have the gift and the curse of being more keenly aware of what is going on for me.  When I sat down in my seat and open my ears to hear the message, I couldn’t believe it, once again God had delivered a message directly to me.  I got a dose of exactly what the doctor ordered and exactly what I needed to hear.  I am so good at getting caught up in all of the gifts of my life, which are a direct result of the program and my resulting sobriety.  Would you believe it…. I even start getting resentful that I have to go to meetings at all.  It’s so silly but sadly it’s true.  This time though, I know that the resentment that I feel is my disease trying to disguise itself as some real or healthy part of me that should have some type of say in it all.  “No, disease” I tell it “you are tagged and flagged and this time I know it is you.”  Not only do I know when it is my disease talking but I have at least a few tools in the old “program toolbox” to throw at it.  1.)  Go to a meeting. 2.) Call another alcoholic AND out yourself, your thoughts, your disease, give light to what your disease is thinking(before you think it is you that is thinking these thoughts.)  3.)  Read the Big Book(I’ve done it and somehow it really works.) 4.) Make a gratitude list.  5.) Find someone to serve.  See, so there are 5 tools off the top of my head to use.  I am going to use one of them here and say that my disease has for the first time in this period of sobriety thought of the old “down the line, drinking.”  You know… when I am old and gray and have accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish THEN I can have a drink.  What the heavens****  am I thinking.  As my sponsor says, only an alcoholic is going to think of a drink that far away.  What I glean from this…. I need more meetings!  My program is definitely not up to snuff and I am headed for trouble if I don’t take action.  God is working for me in mysterious ways for the woman that spoke yesterday morning read the story of the man who got sober at a young age and went on to be hugely successful and at the age of 55 or so he retired and rewarded himself with his slippers and a bottle.  Within two months he was in the hospital and within 4 years he was dead.  True freedom in sobriety is loving life sober and recognizing that we are not actually missing anything at all.  I return in my memory to the beginning of this period of sobriety and remember the willingness to do anything to have a different life.  I am blessed to have a very different life and without even knowing it I almost re-prioritized something ahead of the very priority that gifted me with this beautiful life…. Sobriety is First.  Period.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Upon the Bedrock of Sobriety Your Divine Spark is Revealed

“Nothing resists firm inward maintenance of the Rock-Centre-Truth that lies so still, native to us all, waiting and waiting bold, silent utterance.” - unknown
There is a Divine Spark at the center of each one of us and life is about being in integrity with that Divine Spark…. Well, my life is about being in integrity with that Divine Spark.  I am sober, a yogi, committed to my spiritual practice all in order to dedicate myself to this Divine Spark and it’s Unification and Revelation in this world.  What I have come to realize is that as much of Spirituality is a deep re-membering and it often feels like we are almost instantly “home…” there is also a deep practice that takes on a lifetime journey of realizing and embodying Spiritual Principle on different and varying levels.  It is so true that the further I have gone on this journey, the less I know.  Sobriety and the 12 steps of AA and other programs are fabulous because they mechanically place you into action based spirituality.  For me though it is so important to explore far beyond what has become a platitude of spirituality for many program peep’s.  I’m not saying there is anything wrong with those who have found the program to be enough but I am saying that for me, there is so much more out there to be discovered about my spiritual nature.  Sobriety is the crucial crux and the foundational base level of it all.  It is first and foremost the priority and the foundation or leaping off point for the rest of it.   Admittedly, I have slacked some on my meeting attendance lately.  I am in a familiar place of allowing the gifts of AA to take me away from the program, as they say.  I am busy being prosperous, creative and adventurous and as my sponsor so lovingly reminded me the other day, this is a slippery slope and I need to remember how it is absolutely vital that sobriety come first.  Anyhow, built upon the foundation of sobriety, my life is dedicated to the cultivation and revelation of the Divine Spark within me.  My life is about courting the Presence within and learning to speak and reveal the language of the heart.  It is about the fullest spiritual expression possible.  This is why I am sober today.  This is why I am a yogi today.  This is why I meditate and read my favorite mystical authors daily so that I may become so fully present in the now that the spontaneous movement of Spirit finds it’s fullness in and as the unleashed expression of creativity as my life.  My life is my tapestry as is yours.  We can’t all be painters or writers or sculptors but we are all, by our very nature, creative souls.  When the Divine Spark is revealed authentically then we are creative… we are living out the meaning of what we came to be.  For this, I am eternally grateful.  Love Out.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Stick to Your Own Creation Guns

Stick with the creation that you came to create.  It is so easy to see that the grass is greener over there.  It happens a lot with me when I see a community that has it goin’ on over there and almost dive in.  I sometimes temporarily forget that I have community growing all over the place, in my life.  Sometimes I think I want to adopt other people’s communities.  I love the adventure and change in life which is also something I need to watch carefully as I truly discern whether my desire for change is/was about the magnificence of newness or truly about following the Divine idea of my life into it’s fullness.  Something that I have been praying for is happening in me and all around me – CLARITY.  The brilliance of clarity is shining through me and I am feeling light and at ease.  There is that part of me which always looks forward to the next chapter of my adventure which is a little glum in the clarity of my life right now.  The clarity which, knows that I am to stay in this stunning place where I live because, now is the time for my life purpose to take off and this is the place where it is happening.  There is a plentitude of travel in my forecast and training and involvement in some of my favorite communities which, are located elsewhere but this is my home and NOW is the time for the evolution of what I have always dreamt of becoming.  I don’t need a license to begin where I am and my training, education and learning will never end.  But now, it is time for me to take a metaphysical leap to the next orbit of my existence, stepping fully into the Divine Light which is laid before me.  With faith I walk forward,  I step forward into the light, fully trusting that the Divine Idea for my life is more colorful, more dynamic than anything that I could dream of.  But it begins here and like the alchemist I have traveled to the world to find what I was looking for – to find what was always and IS always, within.  And just like the alchemist I am home where I began this incarnation but I am home in my heart and deeply rooted in a dynamic and ever evolving relationship with the Infinite.  I am home in so many ways and on so many levels that it is really quite indescribable.  I am so grateful this morning for every step of the journey and especially those of continuous sobriety – those steps which have truly unlocked the life of God within.  I am grateful for the clarity and harmony of my mind, body and soul.  I am grateful for the deep faith that I walk in.  I am grateful.  I am grateful.  I am grateful.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Sober is a Glorious Way to Live Life

I rushed off the plane like I rarely do with a small wonder about my bag as I passed right by baggage claim and hopped into a cab somewhat negotiating the price and somewhat not caring for, all I wanted was to be at Agape – my favorite Spiritual Spot on the planet.  On my way, I exchanged a few texts with a friend of mine who was volunteering outside the service and skipped right past him into the sanctuary where I was told to wait with the group of other folks who had arrived late.  Still in the calm of the prayer that I spoke to align myself on the airplane, I smiled as I realized that we were being ushered onto the stage where the choir sits during performances.  Within a moment of my sitting down, my favorite new age musician Jami Lula performed my favorite song but 15 feet from me.  Beckwith then came and gave one of the best sermons I have heard, again – 15 feet from me.  So, yes, indeed Spirit has a bigger plan than we can imagine…. I literally could not have imagined VIP seating on the stage at Agape, with two of the most inspirational people I can think of doing their thing, for myself had I tried.  I then went to lunch with a dear friend who just so happened to be moving to Thailand the next morning and met and enjoyed several new "high vibrational" friends.  I was immediately steeped in the juiciness of beautiful and loving community.  I feel elevated and light for the rest of my time has unfolded in this manner.  Close time with my sister, sweet time with my dear friends, sunny runs through the Los Angeles hills and increasing clarity for the next stages of my evolution.  I feel that heaven on earth that we talk about…. It’s a state of consciousness that is marked by the feelings of harmony and being in the flow.

A sweet friend of mine texted me bright and early with a congratulations on your 9 months of sobriety and without even realizing it when I woke this morning I was reminded that I have 9 months of beautiful clarity of my body and increasing clarity of my mind and the harmony between my mind, body and spirit is beginning to unleash the creativity of my soul AND my purpose is finding it’s dynamic life in my Being!!  Yay God, these are the gifts of sobriety and yoga and spirituality, all of the dedication to the Unity and not to the separation.  We are waking up as a planet and I am joyfully participating in the enlivening and enlightening of Source Itself.   I am sober to dedicate my life to the unleashed expression of God as me, through me, from me.  I am sober to find myself expanded in Love and Light, more each day.  I am sober to remember who and what I am and to remember that there is nothing that I really know.  I am sober to live from my heart and not from my head.  I am sober to be creative.  I am sober to be free.  I am sober to bask in the beauty of relationships with all of the people in my life.  I am sober to live my purpose…. I am sober to maximize the potential of my life.  I am sober by the Grace of God.  I give thanks for each moment of these 9 months and the totality of the 9 months.  It is a glorious way to live life…. Sober, that is.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Freedom is Saying Yes

Aboard a flight to LAX I am reminded, once again, to trust the process.  I know that there is something emerging out of my delayed flight which puts me in Los Angeles just around the time that the third and final service begins at my favorite Spiritual Community on the planet and one of the major reasons I am traveling to LA today.   There is something in the midst of this and, through reminding myself that this is exactly what is occurring I feel a deeper alignment happening with The Whole Shibang, The Divine Idea, The Great Universal.  I have been excercising my “trust the process” muscle, a lot lately which sets me up in a prime position for this day and these moments.  It is evident in moments like these because tears do not fill my eyes in resistance to “life on life’s terms,” that I have grown so much in my sobriety and my overall spirituality.  A good friend and a very evolved person once told me that freedom is saying yes to EVERYTHING.  Take your mind out of the ego gutter for just a moment and go with me on this.  The yes, is to God, it is based on the understanding that my life, my challenges, the people, the places, the delays, the fast-track moments, the flow, the ebb, it is all tailored specifically for me and my growth and therefore the “yes” factor is a simple “yes, I understand that this too is God and this too is my tailored life.”  So, “yes, as badly as I want to be at Agape 4 hours ago when everyone else was arriving for first service and to be there for all three services of one of my all-time favorite musicians paired with the greatest spiritual leader on the planet, I accept that I may be at third service a little late today and that, this too, is a part  of my tailored plan.”  Beyond the yes, I am asking with the witness of your eyes on this paper…. “God, what is it that is seeking to emerge through me in this situation?”  I know there is something greater emerging and without a real need to know exactly what that is, I am a little curious and would love to participate more fully in the Divine Idea of my life.  For now, I am just consciously saying yes and as a result I feel immediate relief from resistance, ahhh it feels good to say yes to the flow that is already flowin’ and is going to flow, with or without me.  It feels good to know that I am training my “trust the process” muscle more and to feel the relative ease that is birthed as a result.  We are at choice in each and every moment.  Explore with me, the choice to say Yes, God there you are again.  I trust you.  I trust my life to your Infinitely loving care.  “All is well, and indeed, unfolding as it should!”

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Trust The Process, Hindsight is 20/20

“Trust the process.”  Isn’t this a slightly annoying and at the same time a slightly comforting thing we hear in the rooms, on our mats, in life.  I think that somewhere along the way, most of us got in our own way and learned to stop “trusting the process.”  What I mean by this is that most of us have one reason or another to have valid feelings to not trust the process.  What we often miss is that the times when things really didn’t work out, we can most often trace our lives back to a point in the game when we “took the reigns” back.  It is indeed an art to find the balance between suiting up, showing up and surrendering the outcome.  I think it is valuable to acknowledge the importance of  hopes/dreams/intentions/goals but at the end of the day we have to surrender even these…. even our most desired of these.  This is “what trusting the process” is all about.  Like any other spiritual principle introduced in spiritual teachings, when we first hear it, it can feel irritating for the ego because the ego is in actuality being introduced to a law that threatens it’s livelihood, so when you are introduced to a new spiritual idea or principle and you feel “prickly” don’t worry, it’s just the ego putting up a fight to keep you small.  Acknowledge what is happening in your mind but then with your BIG Self, with your God Mind, with your Spiritual Self remind your ego that you are chosing to trust the process.  Hindsight is definitely 20/20 so with that in mind, you can learn that it will all make sense later and though it may not feel good now, please “give yourself grace” and make a choice to “trust the process.”  I have had opportunity after opportunity lately to walk right into the eye of the storm of some of my more significant fears.  I am reminded that once you get to the place that you feared the most you really do realize that the fear itself was so much more significant than the experience itself.  My experience of walking up to those places or those things that I feared the most is that I found a deeper relationship with God.  I found angels and all types of assistance…. in fact an orchestration of support that is so phenomenal that it may be the very reason that my angel team orchestrated and tailored these events for me at this time in my life.  Just remember that there is a Power beyond your wildest dreams of Good that is tailoring your life experiences for what you said you came to reveal, to unleash and to be.  See life with this eye and you are sure to show up a little more like the full expression of the greatest version of you, even through the challenges.  Your nature is Love and so is the Universes and therefore All of God’s nature is Love.  Blessings

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I Am Breaking Free of Old Cycles Through Challenges

Always move from the heart, everybody speaks the language of the heart. We are all unified in our hearts.  Things get confused, lost and mis-interpreted in the mind.  Creativity emerges, develops and releases from the heart.  You do not have to be what you would call an artist to be creative.  Your life is your tapestry, your guide and your color are in and of the heart.  Michael Beckwith who spoke at The United Nations Assembly yesterday spoke recently on the idea that the only reason for living is soul and character development – as he put it “it’s the only game in town.”  I am working with the idea of being present for my full character and soul development.  I’m fairly certain that there is a direct correlation between the degree to which I am present in my heart, is the degree to which I am available for my development.  I went to an amazing meeting last night and the speaker so eloquently described her journey with “trusting the process.”  I gathered that, as we learn to exercise our Spiritual muscles we begin to first be aware when we are not present, through worry, doubt and fear which all have to do with being focused somewhere else in time.  Have you noticed that when we actually walk straight into the center of the moment that we had feared the most that you find God and yourself paired in strength and calm,  like the moment I came out of a meeting in downtown LA only to find that my car had been towed because I was parked on a side of the street that was no parking after a certain hour on the weekend, I felt this incredible calm in the moment and knowing that all was well and it was all going to work out.  Had I an inkling during the meeting or in the days leading up to the tow, I would have been consumed with fear and would have missed all of the gifts I received in that time out of being present.  So, trusting in our higher power and it’s ways is a HUGE component of our peace and serenity.  It’s a simple Principle which is not always easy to work.  But the more we notice our fear and simply say to ourselves or share with another that this too is a part of our soul’s growth and development and that our team of angels have tailored this experience for the fulfillment of how our soul is trying to develop at it’s deepest level, we will find that over time it gets easier to trust the process.  The last few weeks have been chalk full of mini-challenges and with my continued “turning toward” that ineffable presence called my Higher Power and my intention to grow in the most beautiful ways through each and every experience that has been tailored for my growth, I am finding something wonderful happening in my life – progress – forward movement.  I am breaking free from old cycles of behaviors and stagnancy traps.  I am getting off the hamster wheel of doing what I always did and getting what I always got.  Today, I am not as they say “going to tell God how big my problem is, I am going to tell my problems how Big my God is.”  This is the character development I am lovingly focused on today.  Love Out. 

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I Am A Bridge, We Are All Bridges

There is just something so rich, juicy and fulfilling about getting together with like-minded individuals and gettin’ down on the nitty gritty of Spiritual Principle.  I just shared a coffee and a morning “fireside” chat with one of my best friends.  We were sharing with each other some of our BHAG(Big Hairy Audacious Goals) for the year and discussing those old belief patterns which have blocked us from experiencing more of our good in the past.  I feel uplifted, inspired and motivated after our conversation and after every spiritual chat that I engage in.  This is me…. this spiritual being who put on a human suit and is now awake to this knowledge and therefore my paradigm is one where the things, conversations, values, friends are all a reflection and a demonstration of some aspect of who I am.  I remember this morning how “at choice” I am in each and every moment.  I am at choice to chose my friends, my thoughts, to leave or stay in a situation, to focus on my dream, my gratitude, my purpose  OR the alternatives which is the difference between my experience of heaven on earth AND not.  Heaven is not some far off place, heaven is a state of consciousness and for me heaven is cultivated and revealed each time I share my journey with someone else on a spiritual path.  When a conversation such as this begins I start to feel energy stirring at the center of my soul and before long I often feel like I am floating.  I feel a natural state of gratitude and appreciation for the massive gifts of spiritual community, even if it is one other individual.  I realize today that there is community all around me, that just by the very intention and attention on community, I will realize the community formed in and around me throughout the day.  I stand in an affirmative mind state that I, being grounded in love will experience Truth with individuals wherever I go today.  I am committed to seeing, sensing and knowing the truth of each that I come into contact with today and therefore I intend to be in loving and intentional community throughout, whether others know it or not.  I received a theme for my life in my last year of training to be a spiritual life coach and that theme was revealed in my meditations and visioning sessions.  This theme is I Am A Bridge.  So, today I intend to be, feel and know the bridge that exists as the natural union between a perceived me and a perceived you.  Today I dedicate myself to the Oneness that IS.  Today, I free myself to be at-onement with all.  I chose to release the old and step, with deep gratitude, into the newness of today.  I set myself free from the future and the past and become fully present to theme of my life for today – I Am Present As A Bridge, Dedicated to the Unity.  What are you standing for today?  Much Love

Monday, February 6, 2012

How's Your Spiritual Practice Been?

Just passed the threshold of ego based thought patterns there is, the  sweetest spot of Being.  It is why I sit in meditation.  It is why I have committed to facilitating others on their journey of meditation.  It’s there - I have been there. It’s “the field beyond right and wrong.”-Rumi.  It took me a whole year of sitting with my stuff for, between 20 minutes and an hour(usually closer to the hour) before I hit the sweet spot.  Like this morning in my meditation I found myself in this place of Unity, of Love, of Knowing and as I listened, I heard the clear line whisper of the Universe saying “let go, I have a life for you that is better than anything you have dreamt up so far.”  I am a good dreamer with huge dreams which makes it challenging for me to let go sometimes because I have this idea that I have a strong sense of God’s will for my life and I am somehow aligned with it.  This may be true “to an extent” with the key and operative words being “to an extent.”  In this human suit, as this human experience we can only ever have a “small gimpse” of Gods idea of our lives.  If you’re like me, the closer to full alignment, the bigger and the more awe-some the surge of feelings.  My feelings are a direct indicator of how close or how far I am from being on track, in-line with my life of fully expressed purpose, in line with God’s will for me.  I am going to venture out and say that I am not the person who is always most awake to the imagery that the Universe is broadcasting to me, through me, about my life but my energetic feelings and feeling tones are “my first language” when it comes to my communication with the Infinite.  Some people are super visual and immediately when they close their eyes they receive a flood of images, although I am opening more to this communication line it is not my best language, I am more in the ISL(imagery as a second language), group.  I often refer to the feeling of being pregnant with my good.  This is because everything is born inside oneself, inside ones consciousness.  As contrary as it seems to our “do it,” in the world of effects, society, I have learned and come to experience that life is certainly born inside my consciousness.  This is why we dedicate ourselves to our Spiritual Practice and in fact if we were to look at how much time we spend “fixing” things on the outside and dedicated but half of that time to our inner work, our lives would begin to reflect miracles and heaven  all over the place.  The first step is indeed admitting that we don’t know everything and then learning that we don’t need to “know” anything to be the person we came to be.  In fact, the less we know the more available we are to the Infinite Wisdom of the Universe.  When I have a judgment of another it is because I think I know something about them that could never be true anyhow.  If God is not judging this person, how righteous am I to take on judging them myself.  How often it is then to get involved in the game of separation…. Our society is infested with the ego’s play of judgment, “knowing” and resulting separation.  The only way out of this toxic reality is through Spiritual Practice.  So get down on it, start somewhere…. Start anywhere.  All paths and all practices ultimately lead to the same place.  Meditation may perhaps bring up that uncomfortability for a while but sit through it.  Love yourself more than any other individual could ever love you by being with you.  Get to know you.  Begin to realize what patterns are no longer working for you and intend to know the routes out of these old “behavioral hamster wheels.”   Pray, Give of yourself through service, paint, create, Be Present in Your Magnificent Wholeness and Let go of attachment to the results.  As Spirit so gently whispered from the center of my being this morning…. Let go my friend the Universe has a life in store for you that is greater than your most colorful dreams.  Take this moment to fully surrender to the power and presence of magnificence and love.  This presence I call God.  

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Meditation Reveals Opportunities for Forgiveness

Forgiveness is arguably the highest spiritual practice and is in place in every known spiritual path, whether it be the steps of the program, the practices of all major religions, as discussed and implemented in traditional therapy as well as imbedded in the subtle under-tone of yoga.  Meditation is the the journey, the art, the practice of paying un-destractable attention to Good, to God, to the Universal Oneness expressed as Light and Love.  Funnily enough when most close their eyes they do not immediately sense this Light, this Love, this Unity.  Most often especially, if one is new to meditation, there is an almost immediate flood of thoughts, ideas and feelings of separation.  When these thoughts and feelings first flood in they can be very daunting and one may feel overwhelmed by feelings of anger, jealousy, worry, fear or doubt.  This is perhaps why many do not stay long when it comes to the practice of meditating.  I remind those that come to weekly meditations at the store that it is a journey and much like learning anything new the beginning is full of technical details and the mechanics of it all.  Learning to sit up right, allowing beautiful lines of energy to flow through all of the chakras and simply being with “the flood” slowly allowing our awareness to soften the ferocity of what’s initially flowing.  Initially what we encounter are all of the areas, people, places and situations that we have not forgiven in ourselves, others or things we simply have taken back from God, to handle ourselves…. Only to find we werent’ able to handle it in and of ourselves and so we stuffed it into our own energetic dumping place within our body.  The sub-conscious mind is this dumping ground and it is FULL with the stuff we haven’t taken to God through a 5th step, 9th step or 10th step, consciously surrendering it in prayer pose, with another individual during a spiritual retreat, with the individual we are engaged in the learning opportunity with or other active practices toward forgiveness.  When we sit for meditation we often discover all of the things that we are holding onto and in essence those things that are holding us back from being purely present.  Being purely present is the only way to be available to the Divine Idea of our lives, to the fullness of expression and therefore joy and gratitude in our lives and ultimately to be so grounded when the newness of a fresh challenge arises that we move through it with some grace and dignity.  So, if when you sit to meditate you are bombarded by uncomfortable feelings, please remember that there is a spiritual solution - forgiveness.  There are a million forgiveness practices out there.  They can be as simple as acknowledging the negative thought and emotion that is arising as an area of forgiveness and saying to yourself right then and there during your meditation, please God forgive me and forgive he or she, releasing us to the highest expression for us in this day, in this moment.  Please Spirit forgive me for worrying about my laundry list then and in essence free me to be present in this moment. now  Forgive my mind for it’s desire to control and manipulate all things…. free me to the natural flow of my spirit which includes the deepest desires and truest thoughts of the mind anyhow.  Forgive me God for not being the person to love me the most so that I might learn to love others more fully as well. 

Practice forgiveness, every opportunity you have got and you will surely step into the next stage of your meditative heaven.  Blessings of Love.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Lean In Baby

“Lean in baby.”  It’s the whisper I hear at the center of me.  I have a pattern of not reaching out for the kind of support that I need when I am “going through it.”  You see, if I am really honest with myself I have had periods of feeling pretty glum since my accident on Friday.  Because of my sobriety the ups and downs of my ebbs and flows are not quite as pronounced as they used to be in my drinking days – in fact, they are not even close.  So, I almost don’t recognize when I am having some intense but appropriately and proportionately sized emotion in accordance with something or a set of things that is going on in my life.  I think I realized this when I got an email from my sponsor saying “you can feel free to call me, especially after big things like an accident.”  It almost brought tears to my eyes for I sensed for a moment my pride, tendency to isolate when things get tough and, self reliance.  These are the “growing edges” that threaten my well-being today.  This is exactly what I was to explore as a part of this weeks step work.  You see, I believe that there is only God, that God is the very life that is living itself everywhere I look…. In every person, place, situation, flower, wave, grain of sound.  So as I pray within and ask for guidance within I must then look for and reach out to the correlatory support in the world.  God is in my sponsor and if I need God’s support than I need to pick up the phone and call my sponsor when I experience the trauma of a car accident.  God is my friends, the rooms, my mat, my boss and all need to be included through the avenue of my vulnerability and each will somehow become a part of my wellness plan.  That is what I am in right now, I am in some type of recovery pattern after my accident – I am recognizing the importance of recognizing my place on this particular cycle which IS occurring in my life.  Whether my strong, independent self cares to admit it or not, recognizing this is the launching place for the wellness plan I just mentioned.  It’s tough to say, I need help….. I need help and I don’t even know what kind of help I need…. maybe it’s as simple and profound as your loving ear without any need to give advice, maybe it’s a nudge to get to a meeting, maybe an invite to a yoga class, a hike or a coffee, maybe it’s a “welcome” after a meeting.  Who knows…. I’ll leave the answers to God and allow God to demonstrate itself through you and the ways you are inclined to show up in my life.  It’s asking for help without expectation.  It’s being sincere when we “are in it,” and not feeling like I have to run from every single tough situation because after a childhood of drama, I have learned to only be comfortable in the stability.  I have an area within me for growth as far as having compassion for those who always seem to be in the thick of the drama.  I declare peace and stability in my life but I now know that I need you guys and you guys need me to be vulnerable and real in order to be on “the village” that continues to raise me.  Thank you sweetly for reading today and if I know you personally, thank you for being an angel in my life.  I am eternally grateful to share from this place, with you.  Blessings