IT’s true, we can expect a life of miracles that arrive through our dedication and practices. Yes, we live “life on life’s terms” but there are such tangible and significant miracles that occur when we are living life on life’s terms and doing it/being it through a spiritual program. It is especially important to crank the spiritual program up when the rapids of life get big – I have yet to find anything but immeasurable gifts on the other side of a challenging situation when I have leaned into my spiritual program.
I wake with the vision for my life alive and oh so well. It is oozing out my every cell with such sweet goodness. I feel ripe, inspired and alive. Is it the “dying rightly, living rightly” workshop that I have been taking with Lexie Potamkin, is it the work I am doing on my fourth step, is it my yoga practice or the subtle but powerful life energy I receive from my winter hikes, is it the forgiveness practice that is leading to such sweet miracles? I don’t know, all of it really. As my sister said to me yesterday when you are in alignment with that which is True and Real inside of you, you have plenty of energy to meet life with vigor, with fervor with peaceful might. This is precisely how I feel right now. I feel vital and inspired. I keep showing up for life and that presence which is Infinitely Bigger than me keeps revealing itself to me. All of my practices are important… from the compassion I intend to show to each that I meet, to the forgiveness practice that I was called to just a few days ago, to writing this blog, to trying new seminars, to talking with a Christian minister or a Jewish Rabi, to each and every meeting that I show up to, my meditation in the morning and my prayer throughout the day… it is each a part of the dynamic kaleidiscope that IS my spiritual life. What I put into my spiritual life is what reflects back to me. There is a process and I would say that I have been on a dedicated spiritual journey for the last 13 years. Sobreity has really unlocked the Freedom to be fully alive in my heart and to reap the true gifts of spirituality but my point is that it Is truly just starting to get so so sweet. IT is truly getting to the point where I feel most of the time, buoyant upon the wings of something greater than I. I have toggled between my will and God’s will and been quite masterfully disastrous at taking my will back and landing like the prodigal son face down in the mudd. I learned that this did not dissapoint some deity in the sky but only disappointed myself. I have prayed in the wee hours of the morning and wrestled with my angels, I have had a complete faith crisis where for the first time in my life I was honestly asking whether God existed, I have walked with those in sobriety and those in active addiction and found God in both places, I have felt the fire of my egos resistance and touched the Pure Light of my soul. Sometimes I feel the Presence of God “closer than my breath” and sometimes I just know from life experience that it is there. I have learned to create through the power of my intention and I am learning to be more skillful at finding the balance between creation and surrender. I spend a lot more time in surrender these days than I do in creation for I have learned to trust my God implicitly. I have learned that God is bigger and more infinite than my mind could ever even begin to conceive so I don’t try to conceive to totality of a God that I could pretend to comprehend or understand. Instead I taste god through awe-inspired humility as it reveals itself in my daily life and whispers through the central chord of my soul.
This is a journey that in the deepest place in my soul, I am grateful, does not have a final destination, but through our practices – sobriety, yoga, church, hiking, skiing, surfing(whatever it is that brings you to the feeling of Oneness with all that is) we can begin to experience and embody slices of Infinite heaven pie, right here on earth.