Return Again to Letting Go

There is a tulip plant with three beautiful tulips on my desk.  When I bought it the flowers were tightly closed and so beautiful in that stage of their evolution and development.  This morning I am so grateful for them because two of them especially have opened wide to the fullness of this stage of their evolution.  There is one that is a little slower on the journey and it reminds me of myself this morning.  The others remind me that it is my nature to open fully and the third reminds that it is ok to be just exactly where I am in my own growth.  Like life often does, I feel slightly fatigued by the rantings of my ego’s desire to control, not just a little life, but all of life.  Yesterday morning in our meeting we(I mean the old timers) discussed the importance of sharing when it’s good and sharing when we feel challenged – how both are vitally important to our sobriety and our lives.  Perhaps one of the most remarkable components of the program is the level of honesty that exists in the rooms.  It is rare to find the level of honesty and therefore the level of healing that occurs in the rooms.  In light of this wisdom I am going to share here that my ego has tired me out over the past couple of days.  It tells me that in order for me to be safe that I need to control the whole outcome and have all of the answers, right now!  I have grown enough at this point to realize and remember that this is not the spiritual nature of me speaking, it is the egoic self whose purpose is to keep me small.  For example, there is this promotion available at work that I have a goal in alignment with and yet the interviews are not going to be held until the third week in March.  You should have seen the angst that I felt surrounding this yesterday.  Luckily I used the antedote for fear which is faith – active faith in this case included conversations from the Big Spiritual Me to the Little Spiritual Me, Prayer, talking with a friend and continuous cycles of exactly this throughout the day.  I was blessed to find myself re-centered and flooded with waves of peace and knowing that this is all working out beyond my ideas of good so I can just relax….again – a stark contrast to the moments of fear I felt for losing something I don’t even have.  How interesting it has been to witness myself go through moments like these and others which have made clear some wonderful opportunities for growth in my life.  The BIG lesson – show up and LET GO.   Show up Ash, and let go.  Enjoy the day… be here now.  All of the gifts that I could possibly desire for this day, are indeed here now waiting for my present attention to reveal themselves to me.  In this moment I surrender my ego to the high vibration of my soul, of the one life, the life of God the Good, God the Beauty, God the Love, God the one that knows the inner workings of my soul like no other, God the great orchestrator of my life and of all life.  I let Go.  I Surrender to the stillness within me.