Big Dreams, Big Challenges, Big Opportunities for Growth

The challenge with having BIG dreams is that there can come BIG doubts and other forms of fear.  I am in the midst of completing my application for a masters in ministerial studies, the application to launch the spiritual community I have been dreaming of for years and working on my fourth step.  You betchya that my ego is kicking up a fight, right now.  I have had a small case of the “I’m not good enough’s,”  and when friends are involved in business it is easy to take things personally.  Also, in the midst of my addiction and through some very interesting things that occurred when I was growing up, I threw some financial hurdles on my path that I am now encountering….interesting timing, very interesting timing.   My choice is to be empowered and to activate my faith knowing with all of me that I am being pulled by a vision that is bigger than me, that is bigger than any financial issue, bigger than any single relationship and therefore just like the entire oak tree is in it’s seed so too is everything that could possibly be needed for the full fruition of the vision of my ministry, my life and my church.  I am grateful for my sobriety, yoga and the totality of my spiritual practices for, as a result I am more identified with my Truth than with my ego.  Like my disease, I am able to tag and flag my ego and my disease when it starts talking and the monkey mind begins to chatter in my head “oops, guess this isn’t the right time, or the right place… why don’t you move somewhere tropical and start all over again…. It will feel so fresh and so good.”  This is where the foot work is required of me and the time when my spiritual practice turns from maintenance to full throttle “treat and move your feet”, mode.  Nope ego, nope disease, we are not checking out and we are not running away.  When the going gets tough I am going to continue to remind my challenge, my ego, my disease how big my God is.  I am keeping up with my forgiveness practice that I don’t get tangled up in some old resentment or fresh one at that and forget to stay on the High Road of the Divine Idea for my life.  Catch and release baby – feel that resentment, forgive that resentment, keep my eye on God, the One, my Dream, the Vision that is pulling me and take another step forward.   It won’t be long until I feel like I am flying again but for now I am on the ground doing the footwork and the one thing about my dream is, it is un-waivering.  I am grateful for those who have stayed the course….those who have continued to believe in the vision, in me and have not left my side.  I am grateful too for those who have joined my journey, even for a portion of time.  I chose not to take personally those who would really love to be more on this journey than they are actually able to be on the journey.  I keep my eye on the Truth and let all of the rest go.  These are the choices that are available to me in sobriety and are strengthened ten fold through my other practices.  I am at choice to stay on the high road today.  I will.  Blessings of Love and Light.