As I write my fourth step I am beginning to see the patterns in the character traits which continue to arise when I enter fear. So, as I become really aware of my growing edges(character defects) I wonder and begin to taste what is beneath them… the true me. As I do this work and stay true to the unwaivering Truth about myself and others I find myself once again beginning to taste eternity. I can feel the world in my cells. I feel the vision for my life gently drawing me forward and perhaps now more than ever before do I feel so in the flow... so on track. This is not to say that life doesn’t challenge me tremendously at times – it does! However, it is my response to the challenges that is so fundamentally different – this is the gift of all of my spiritual practice which is built upon the bedrock of my sobriety. I guess the God Qualities, the strengths of God that are naturally expressed in me are Integrity, Balance and Freedom. I feel an Integrity with my soul, with my life purpose, like never before. I feel alive and aligned and energized – these are qualities which assure you that you are on track. I feel Balance in the form of an overall feeling of restedness and ease in my transitions from work to play and vice versa. I feel Free to be fully me, to live my dream to evolve forward because I am balanced and in integrity. These are the qualities of life which are cultivated in, through and as my life through my sobriety.
I write about this because I think we often trade one addiction or excessiveness for another when we get sober. But I urge you to continue evolving. Don’t rest on the laurels of just feeling “pretty good” because you haven’t had substances in your body for however long. What is that thing that you have always wanted to do… that thing that you talked about from the bar stool or wrote about in your journal. First, be honest with yourself in assessing the balance and freedom you feel in your life. Once these are in place you are free to be who you came to the planet to be. Give yourself the chance and the time to cultivate your creativity. It may not happen overnight – being the best photographer on the planet, or a grammy award winning actor or Picaso, but begin your journey…. Just being on the journey is glorious in and of itself. I find so many people who love to talk about who they’d love to be, which is a fantastic first step, but I’d love to see more people just being that and allowing the actions to speak for themselves.
Be careful then not to become that which you think you are. By this I mean, try to remember that forms come and go but that you are always and eternally the essence of the great spirit, taking on different forms. Try not to corner yourself into the trap of “knowing yourself too well.” Yes, become intimate with who you are and find your fullest expression in the world but do not become an identity that you were only ever meant to take on for a period of time because you might miss the next natural transition into the next stage of your evolution. Be flexible and sweet with yourself as you grow, develop and unfold but definitely go for it. Pick up that camera and start shooting, that paintbrush and paint something-anything or head to that drama class and boldly dive in. We didn’t get sober to hang out smoking outside of meetings for the rest of our lives. Yes, we will always participate in our own health through attending meetings and working our steps for the rest of our lives. But take that next step. Today I offer that you might explore that within yourself. Blessings of Love.
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