Thursday, April 5, 2012

James's Way


“As when the tulip for its morning sup
  Of heavenly vintage from the ground looks up,
  Do thou devoutly do the same
  Till heaven to earth invert you.” – Omar Khayyam

This is the first morning that I have been able to “look up” for my slice of “heavenly vintage” so that “heaven to earth (I am) inverted,” since the news of that my dear friend, James, made his transition.  Like a flower I must set myself up to receive the spiritual nourishment that I need to grow and proceed on my journey.  It is important, that even “from the ground (I) look up.”  Events like the passing of a friend can bring one to the ground almost instantly.  James was the big brother that I always wanted and we made the agreement that he would be just that in my life… a big brother.  Well, we also made a pact on the last day of treatment that we would be the ones to stay strong in our sobriety and we would carry others in our strength.  My big brother lost to this disease.  I toggle between moments of sheer sadness and wonderment about whether I let him down in any way to a sweet celebration of his life and the clear awareness that he right here with me, even as I write these words.  When someone crosses over it is so important to remember and embody the qualities of God that I so appreciated in that individuals gift of life.  I am grateful for Jamie’s focus, drive and dedication to bringing people together for adventure.  We all visited him at his house in San Diego after we got out of treatment.  I remember his bright smile as he prepared soup and chicken tortilla tacos for us.  One by one James shared his love of the water with each of us as he took us out on his sea kayak and surf boards and I believe that some even saw some dolphins that day.  James loved the water but was not afraid to get down with a little yoga on the beach or some spiritual reading by candle light at night.  He was passionate about life and as much as he loved to share his passion for the world he wanted to share in yours too.  That same weekend we showed up to this bonfire meeting on the beach that James had been raving about and lit up our cigarettes like good “sober rookies” as James would call us.  It was but a few moments before the guitar and Christian songs hinted to us that something was a little off.  As Candace checked in with our bonfire hosts James and I were already runnin’ from what was clearly not the AA meeting we were looking for.  We laughed and laughed as the sun went down and the profile of the stand up paddle boarder and his dog slowly cruising down the bay reminded us of why James loved San Diego so much. 

James is my first close friend to make his transition.  I am committed to embodying his focus and love for the ocean into my life.  I am committed to bringing people together and living life to the fullest.  No more hanging around the house on gorgeous sunny days, Jaimie J  We are sober to live out loud…. I hear him echoing in my soul with that sweet fire for adventure and I simply say, yes J  Happy Adventures of Love.

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