Sunday, June 17, 2012

Real-Deal Evolution Vs The False Evolutionary Cycle

Life is progressive and evolutionary and it is written in 12 step literature, and I am paraphrasing, we are sober to pack more into the stream of life.  In sobriety life is building on itself and evolving in a much healthier and more beautiful way without the negative energy that is created by the activity of the disease.  A few weeks ago when I was talking to a friend who has 11 years of sobriety, telling her how I missed drinking.  She asked, “why, what do you miss about it?”  I replied, as crazy as it sounds, I miss the ups and downs…. I miss being flat on my face on the ground and turning over in total surrender and feeling the giant yank of the Universe, the sheer bouancy of love that you feel from that place of pure surrender and the depth of how far down you have gone.  She was channeling something fierce when she replied “that is the false evolutionary cycle, you would much rather just stay sober and feel the real deal of the evolution of your soul.”  Wow!  It was a false evolutionary cycle, and one of my reasons to drink again was squandered in a moment. 

Today is father’s day and I reflect on the beauty and intelligence of my father.  He had a brilliance about him that could be felt.  He was a true visionary with an infectious smile and a love for life that was so contagious that it swims in my veins as I write these words nearly 15 years after his death.  They say he committed suicide and although for many years I believed this was the cause of his death, I now understand that he died of alcoholism.  He did because the false evolutionary cycle won over the real deal evolutionary cycle and this powerful man, with incredible vision and intelligence couldn’t out-power or out-smart his disease.  I remember, he would decide not to drink for 6 months or a year, here and there but ultimately he missed his life saving boat which would have been the application of the twelve steps.  You see, resentment lives on if there is not a program of action to have a total psychic change.  A psychic change is dependent on the spiritual tool of forgiveness and forgiveness is not practiced in main stream society.  So you see then how profoundly powerful the program is and the importance of working these steps to the best of our ability.  Nonetheless, I am deeply grateful for the inspiration, love and joy that my father brought and continues to bring to my life.  I love you Dad, today my sobriety and real-deal evolution is for you.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

12 Steps to Activate Your Mystical Life

What a profoundly beautiful time in my life, this is.  I have been cultivating the life of my dreams in consciousness for a very long time.  It is now that I am beginning to sense the emergence of the fullness of the life that I have dreamed of.  Sometimes with attachment and sometimes without, I have prayed, but consistently and constantly have I prayed.  My prayers now are a balance of harmonizing with the inner desires of my soul that I am connected to and to the more advanced form of prayer, which is a surrender an openness to the will of God which equals a deep yes born from a truer faith in Oneness than I have ever experienced before.  For a long time I questioned whether God had a will for my life and whether it is all my responsibility to create in the form of thinking and feeling things into existence.  Although the prayer which includes colorful visualization of what I desire is powerful and important I find that it is perhaps slightly more foundational to have a deep knowing that Life has a desire to live its fullness through me and I believe this occurs most powerfully through my prayer, “thy will be done!”
The big book often talks about the 4th dimension and I believe that, as mentioned on page 87, this has to do with the “intuitive thought or inspiration….gradually becoming a working part of the mind.”  This is also known widely in the world of religion and spirituality as the mystical experience.  A mystical experience is the experience of direct knowing… a life guided by the un-paralleled force of intuition.  I believe that the paradigm shift in the world that is so often talked about, is one which is breeding intuitively guided lives around the planet.  An intuitively guided life is a mystical life.  I’m not talking about intuition which, kicks in during a crisis or pre-emergency, that thing that tells you to go left or right - although this is a powerful demonstration and introduction to the intuition, I am talking about intuition as “a working part of the mind.”  I will take it a step further and say that intution as the intimate friend and guide at the center of us always drawing us forward into the greatest yet to be.  I see a world of modern day mystics and I believe many of those people on the leading edge of lives lived in this manner are activating their mystic training through the 12 step programs.  So continue to activate your mystical life by continuing to work the steps and join us in true evolutionary consciousness.

Friday, June 15, 2012

A Sweet Freedom in Sobriety Guaranteed

In sobriety the confusion clears as the fog lifts in layers and I find myself more available than ever to the sweetness of the relationships in my life.  As I begin to drop the rocks that have been weighing me down for so long and my character defenses begin integrate into an experience of greater wholeness, I find myself grateful for all of the love in my life.   I am taking things less personally than I ever have before and becoming more clear about what my part in each situation is.  This clarity from the confusion that used to baffle me is one of the greatest gifts of sobriety.  I begin to sense myself with a compassion that I have never had before and therefore treat others with more of the compassion that they deserve.  When I got to the program I just wanted to stop drinking and realize now that my ego was so out of check that some part of me believed that stopping the drinking would be the cure all.   The truth is that the twelve steps are a deep, powerful and, sequential spiritual program which breeds a freedom that I couldn’t have fathomed before.  The truth is that the program offers the opportunity to experience the truth at the center of it all which is that we live in a dynamically and powerfully loving world.  I was speaking with someone who may be experiencing active addiction and she expressed not feeling supported or loved for who she is…. a feeling, that as she shared, I remembered feeling so often in my addiction.  She also expressed a tangible sense of confusion and separation from what is good in the world.  This conversation shed light on how far I have come in sobriety.  Generally I feel so connected to Love through the people, situations and environments in my life.  In sobriety I have been more forgiven and supported than I would have thought possible.  I have begun to really sense the goodness that lies at the center of every human heart and through my conscious yes to the Divine Plan for my life I have aligned myself with ever deepening experiences of how truly Good God is, at the core of it all.  I guess what I am saying is that through my sobriety I am finding myself closer to the core of Truth, to the Core of Love and Life and God.  The fog is lifting and my evolutionary path is consistent, tangible and sets me more free every day.  My deepest prayer is that you begin to sense your place on this path of expanding freedom.  Blessings of Love.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

By Way of 6 & 7 the Ego Becomes, Rightfully, the Servant of My Divine Purpose

“ The Universal Mind contains all knowledge.  It is the potential ultimate of all things.  To It, all things are possible…Should all the wisdom of the Universe be poured over us, we should receive only that which we are ready to understand.  This is why some draw one type of knowledge and some another, and all from the same source – the Source of all knowledge.  The scientist discovers the principles of his science, the artist embodies the spirit of his art, the Saint draws Christ into his being – all because they have courted the particular presence of some definite concept.” Ernest Holmes

Oh, a sweet softening in my experience of life this morning.  A softening in my life, as a result of the strengthening and up-leveling my program.  I skipped a yoga seminar last night due to a strong internal nudge that I needed a meeting and yet as the hours grew closer to 8pm when the meeting was to start, my disease had almost convinced me that it would be better to stay home and watch a movie or tv or do some other non-live giving activity.  This, mind you is the justification of the alcoholic/egoic mind within me whose goal is to keep me small in life.  I am learning now that the point is not to rid myself of the ego completely for it is the very frame of my soul. One of the greatest ways for the sure fire success of my ego’s drive would be for me to drink again.   My goal now is to have my ego be the servant of my soul and not the other way around; To have my ego be a beautiful kaleidescope through which the Spirit of life pours itself into the world. The voice of the program is finally getting loud enough for me to hear it in the midst of a downward spiral and last night I heard the collective voice of AA say “the most important meeting to go to is the one you don’t want to go to,” and this time, thankfully, I had the willingness to follow.   As I settled nervously (mind you… the alcoholic in me being the anxiety for it was about to be put to sleep once again) into my seat it became eminently clear that God was once again, tailoring my life and the messages exactly to my needs….not always my wants….but always my needs.  You see, I am in the midst of working steps 6 & 7 right now and of course, guess what the meeting topic was?  Step 6 & 7!   Step 6 & 7 for me are about clearing “the stuff”; the beliefs and defenses which no longer serve me. These are the dark spots in the kaleidescope of my life’s unique expression in the world. My kaleidescope is my ego, my personality, my body of affairs.  Through the process of step 6: Becoming willing to have God remove every defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to God and my fellows and step 7: humbly asking God to remove these defects of character are the way in which my ego can come into right relationship with my Soul.  In this way the I Am Presence, the God Within Me gains the reigns and the ego becomes rightfully, the servant of my Divine Purpose.  Thank God for this because I am ready for the One Source to unleash itself as my life in the ways that I have courted It’s presence for so long.  For me, these steps are about getting the smallness out of the way for the fulfillment of life through me.  When I takes steps 6 & 7 I am creating space for a deeper understanding of the Universe for I become more available and receptive and therefore develop a deeper and more authentic understanding of God as I am not busy clinging to my defenses with the drive to protect myself.  I live in a safe and loving world today and I trust that implicitly thanks to the clearing of some of my defenses through these steps.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Just On the Other Side of Fear Is Infinity

Writing this blog is one of the ways that I stay sober – so thank you for reading.  As I settle back into this beautiful place I call home, I also settle back into my sobriety.  I have been a gypsy soul for as long as I can remember and now I finally feel myself putting my running shoes into my closet.  What comes with “settling in” is sort of a requirement from the Universe to face fears and emotions that get lost in the dust of the constant running that I am so accustomed to.  My feelings states range from Bliss to Fear and Stagnation… and you know what, I’m learning that this is ok.  I think I used to reject or resist any feeling that did not fall under the category of “good” because, in my egoic mind, it somehow made me less spiritual to feel less than happy 100%J of the time.  What a load of sh** - how can I possibly feel joy without feeling pain?  Can I simply be with my pain in the knowing that it is the server of my joy? I realized the other day a new compassion and respect in my soul for others on the journey who are experiencing fear.  Now, I clearly so those on a dedicated spiritual path in their pain and know that it does not mean that they are not applying the Principles correctly or are not up to their spiritual practice in the ways that they should be.  Now, I realize that it is probably exactly the opposite of what I had surmised…. those feeling their fear are on the courageous journey of spiritual evolution and development – on the same path of evolution and enlightenment that I am on.  So, I face my fear head on and share openly and honestly about it, not running from it and not covering it up, knowing that I am not identified by this fear but rather it is that which I am releasing from clouding my true identity which lies right beneath it.  In actuality, by sharing my fears with others, I am releasing my identification with it.  The only true dissipation of unwanted fear is through me an out into the world.  What I am also finding is a real experience of the layers upon layers of my being.  I am finding that as I peel back one layer of conditioning (those beliefs that a mass group of people holds, that I came to adopt about the world), I find an authentic strand of life within me.   I find a belief or an opportunity to plant a belief which serves my life purpose…something I truly believe about life.  Sometimes, as soon as I ground myself in truth I find that there is another layer of conditioning to peel back and the process continues.  Sometimes it feels tedious but the general expansion of my consciousness that occurs after each of these cycles is the value in life that I always seek.  In yoga, I often hear a teacher say to “breathe into the space that you feel the tightness” and without questioning it I find myself breathing life into the tightness and creating space for a new belief and therefore experience of my body to emerge.  In the space of this expansiveness in my body I find new life revealing itself to me.  The cycle and the avenues are there for our mind, body and spirit.  Upon the foundation of sobriety I have the chance to create space and experience never-ending waves of awe as Life’s vitality washes over me.  Just on the other side of fear is a new and brilliant experience of infinity.  Face every fear with the intention of walking through it.  Much Love

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Centered In the Midst

“If you aren’t centered your consciousness follows whatever catches its attention.” -  Michael A. Singer The Untethered Soul

Letting go in the moment is so much easier than unwinding the pain train that was exalted in a moment where we chose the fear over letting go and remaining in our seat of centered consciousness.  Remaining in our seats of centered consciousness relies upon an awareness that there is something observing our thoughts, emotions and feelings.  Once aware of this higher self within oneself we can begin to “witness” those energetic bodies that are moving through us.  While drinking or using we are at the mercy of the drug and when we first get sober our survival instincts run the show…. When is our next meal?  How long before this meeting is over so that I can have the temporary relief of a cigarette?  When do I get to go to sleep?  Slowly, slowly as we come out of the haze we ride the pink cloud for a while and soak all of the love of the fellowship and the strength and wisdom of our sponsors.  But then there comes the time when through the 4th,5th,8th and 9th steps we begin to dredge up the stuff that’s been living dormant at the base of our being, weighing us down.  We have spent so long pretending that this stuff doesn’t belong to us or simply hiding from the world.  We think to ourselves, “if anyone gets to close they will know that I did these shameful things and think I am a bad person.”  But the truly dedicated seeker goes through a very messy time in their journey.  For some this can last years and others just a few months – it really depends on how much and how deeply we have stored this stuff.  It also depends on how honestly and willingly we work on ourselves through spiritual principle.  This stage of our evolution can feel very dark and confusing and yet it is absolutely a necessary part of our journey, a right of passage through to the higher realms of being.  So don’t be afraid to get messy, anyone who is truly evolved in consciousness has walked through their dark nights.  When this stuff starts to come up and out, it is as important as ever to find the seat of centered consciousness within yourself and stay in it… stay identified with it.  Tell yourself over and over in the moments that challenge you that make you want to jump on the exhausting pain train of whirlwind emotion, “I am not my thoughts, I let go, I am not my thoughts, I let go, I am not my thoughts, I am not this pain, I let go.  This too shall pass, I remain centered in the seat of my soul and allow the flood of emotion to move through my open heart.”  Start to practice this and you’ll start to feel empowered and free like never before. Love Out!