Life is progressive and evolutionary and it is written in 12 step literature, and I am paraphrasing, we are sober to pack more into the stream of life. In sobriety life is building on itself and evolving in a much healthier and more beautiful way without the negative energy that is created by the activity of the disease. A few weeks ago when I was talking to a friend who has 11 years of sobriety, telling her how I missed drinking. She asked, “why, what do you miss about it?” I replied, as crazy as it sounds, I miss the ups and downs…. I miss being flat on my face on the ground and turning over in total surrender and feeling the giant yank of the Universe, the sheer bouancy of love that you feel from that place of pure surrender and the depth of how far down you have gone. She was channeling something fierce when she replied “that is the false evolutionary cycle, you would much rather just stay sober and feel the real deal of the evolution of your soul.” Wow! It was a false evolutionary cycle, and one of my reasons to drink again was squandered in a moment.
Today is father’s day and I reflect on the beauty and intelligence of my father. He had a brilliance about him that could be felt. He was a true visionary with an infectious smile and a love for life that was so contagious that it swims in my veins as I write these words nearly 15 years after his death. They say he committed suicide and although for many years I believed this was the cause of his death, I now understand that he died of alcoholism. He did because the false evolutionary cycle won over the real deal evolutionary cycle and this powerful man, with incredible vision and intelligence couldn’t out-power or out-smart his disease. I remember, he would decide not to drink for 6 months or a year, here and there but ultimately he missed his life saving boat which would have been the application of the twelve steps. You see, resentment lives on if there is not a program of action to have a total psychic change. A psychic change is dependent on the spiritual tool of forgiveness and forgiveness is not practiced in main stream society. So you see then how profoundly powerful the program is and the importance of working these steps to the best of our ability. Nonetheless, I am deeply grateful for the inspiration, love and joy that my father brought and continues to bring to my life. I love you Dad, today my sobriety and real-deal evolution is for you.