Writing this blog is one of the ways that I stay sober – so
thank you for reading. As I settle
back into this beautiful place I call home, I also settle back into my
sobriety. I have been a gypsy soul
for as long as I can remember and now I finally feel myself putting my running
shoes into my closet. What comes
with “settling in” is sort of a requirement from the Universe to face fears and
emotions that get lost in the dust of the constant running that I am so
accustomed to. My feelings states
range from Bliss to Fear and Stagnation… and you know what, I’m learning that
this is ok. I think I used to
reject or resist any feeling that did not fall under the category of “good”
because, in my egoic mind, it somehow made me less spiritual to feel less than
happy 100%J of the time. What a
load of sh** - how can I possibly feel joy without feeling pain? Can I simply be with my pain in the
knowing that it is the server of my joy? I realized the other day a new
compassion and respect in my soul for others on the journey who are
experiencing fear. Now, I clearly
so those on a dedicated spiritual path in their pain and know that it does not
mean that they are not applying the Principles correctly or are not up to their
spiritual practice in the ways that they should be. Now, I realize that it is probably exactly the opposite of
what I had surmised…. those feeling their fear are on the courageous journey of
spiritual evolution and development – on the same path of evolution and
enlightenment that I am on. So, I
face my fear head on and share openly and honestly about it, not running from
it and not covering it up, knowing that I am not identified by this fear but
rather it is that which I am releasing from clouding my true identity which
lies right beneath it. In
actuality, by sharing my fears with others, I am releasing my identification
with it. The only true dissipation
of unwanted fear is through me an out into the world. What I am also finding is a real experience of the layers
upon layers of my being. I am
finding that as I peel back one layer of conditioning (those beliefs that a
mass group of people holds, that I came to adopt about the world), I find an
authentic strand of life within me.
I find a belief or an opportunity to plant a belief which serves my life
purpose…something I truly believe about life. Sometimes, as soon as I ground myself in truth I find that
there is another layer of conditioning to peel back and the process
continues. Sometimes it feels
tedious but the general expansion of my consciousness that occurs after each of
these cycles is the value in life that I always seek. In yoga, I often hear a teacher say to “breathe into the
space that you feel the tightness” and without questioning it I find myself
breathing life into the tightness and creating space for a new belief and
therefore experience of my body to emerge. In the space of this expansiveness in my body I find new
life revealing itself to me. The
cycle and the avenues are there for our mind, body and spirit. Upon the foundation of sobriety I have
the chance to create space and experience never-ending waves of awe as Life’s
vitality washes over me. Just on the other side of fear is a new and brilliant experience of infinity. Face every fear with the intention of walking through it. Much Love
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