In Love with the Mystery

It’s happening NOW in real-time.  For the first several months of my sobriety I felt tugged into the future or the past and now I feel like I have been warped into the present time – it is happening NOW and I feel slightly more empowered to make decisions from the powerful place of being present in this NOW moment.  It’s not going to help to run from things any longer – it’s best to dive straight in – the harder the situation the deeper I should dive.  I have been playing small, deathly afraid of the resistance I feel, mistaking it for truth instead of the fear that it is.  Perhaps it’s the un-layering of the cloaks of doubt and shame and fear that are occurring in the 9^th step that are allowing me to center more fully in the NOW.  But just because I find myself centered here doesn’t mean that it’s not scary, there are things from my past and my future that I wish to cling to so badly but those that are meant to be a part of me now will simply be here NOW.  If they are still embedded in my heart NOW than they belong.  I’m not really sure exactly what I am talking about when I say this – but it’s that inner guidance that is revealing itself through this Spiritual Practice of writing and as it always does – it will inform me throughout the coming days.  I have come to trust that still small voice within me – “the occasional hunch or inspiration is gradually becoming a working part of the mind.(BB, P. 87)”  Being present and watching thoughts fly through my mind and deciding & knowing which are my disease, which are my thoughts and yet always remembering that my thoughts are not me.  I am not my thoughts, I do not have to identify with them…. I can simply let them be a separate entity from me.  So can you, drawing yourself into the present moment through actively working the steps and committed to being here now you will find yourself increasingly empowered to make choices that serve you and to do so with Ease, Grace & Dignity. Being here NOW is about embracing the beautiful mystery of the Universe.  As your practice deepens you will fall in love with the mystery of the Universe as I sometimes am :)