Glad I Stayed

Miracles upon miracles unfolding like waves onto the shore of my existence leave me with a gratitude that is so deep that it is hard to explain.  Today, I thank myself for staying sober in all of those moments when sobriety didn’t seem like the life for me!  For a while there, I would peer out of a lonely eye onto the landscape of my family, who seemed to have it all, in their merriment sipping wine and whiskey at their fancy parties and nice dinners.  I would sometimes wonder what happened to me, why couldn’t I drink and function as they did?  Now, almost two years ago, with a high level of self awareness, especially for an alcoholic, I knew that it was time to begin my path in sobriety.  NOW I know why it was my time to begin my path in sobriety.  Recently, I watched as my brother who seemed to have it all (and still does in the realm of finances and career) become prey to the disease.  I stood amazed as the first beverage that hits his lips in the morning always had a little of that sneaky little devil inside...cunning, baffling and powerful.   I watched as the disease clasps him in It’s vicious claws and baffled by the craziest part of alcoholism, the denial(Don’t Even Know I Am Lying).  The thing is, NOW I know why I began my journey when I did.  It is a gift precious beyond measure to be available to stand in the clarity of my being in loving support of my baby brother.  I see without judgment and I know without a doubt that there is a SOLUTION, a way of living that will far exceed the puny ideals we had previously placed upon life.  I give thanks to those who have gone before me, those who have held this vision so clearly.  Whether my brother chooses to be supported or not, I am still here holding loving vigil until he decides.  You see, I wouldn’t possibly be available to truly help another until, as the Big Book so clearly states, “my own house is in order.”   I can honestly say that I am proud of a relatively clean house of consciousness that I live in.  Loving someone truly gives me courage today.