Consistency and Constancy in My Practice is My Freedom

“I want to be anywhere but here….what I really want to do is lay down on my mat in this hot heat, the first nice warmth I have felt since I arrived in Seattle, and take a nap….no not another chatarunga dandassana… why does my body feel so so heavy…. Hmmmm…. Interesting how crazy my monkey mind is going right now.”   This was my first yoga class in a few weeks and the first of a 30 day challenge I am preparing myself with for yoga teacher training.  About halfway through a very long but what is normally considered a very short one hour class I began to feel the walls of stagnant energy cracking and slowly the energy of my body began to feel more fluid and I knew and know with all of me that this type of work most definitely carries off of my mat.  So why then do I resist going again for my scheduled class in a half hour?  Why am I sitting here finding a million reasons why today, on day two of this challenge for myself am I already feeling like it’s ok to take shortcuts?  Interesting how I do the same things with meetings but always always when I get there and find myself in the midst of my discipline do I find myself feeling so good?  I truly believe that this whole thing works only if we are consistent in our practices.  Yoga, sobriety, spirituality… it really all is a direct proportionate ratio… what you put/you get out.  For example, I spent several long weeks working the hazelden fourth step with my sponsor and when we finally sat down to do my fifth step I realized that the entire week where I was supposed to focus upon shame, guilt and remorse I heard her say BLAME, guilt and remorse and so spent another week pointing the finder outward.  Now several weeks later not feeling the lightness that usually follows a 5^th step am wondering…a sneaking suspicion you see…. If perhaps this is a major key to unlocking the freedom that I was so blessed to feel during the majority of my sobriety.  I’ll let you all know when I complete this if it was this that has been nagging me from the inside….but somethin’s goin’ on because when a drink starts to look like somethin’ that might be good….I know that this is a direct call to up the old program and like a heat seeking missile…pick up the tools and unveil this little disease of mine which likes to work solo in the dark.  I’m putting it out here to all of you and to my sponsor and to those who are close to me who are advocates of my sobriety and in the rooms.  I am upping my meetings and using the antidote for my ego’s repeated whispers that I am somehow different with a cler dedication to finding the Unity and similarities between myself and others in the rooms.  We are one, I Am a true blue alcoholic and there is nothing that a drink will make better in my life today.  Just for today I commit myself to the gift of being sober.  Much Love and urgings to take the high road of consistency with your practice and your program today.