I had a dream that I was moving rocks of all sizes around a
garden and removing old and used wine glasses from my personal bag and putting
them on a shelf. I woke up with a
feeling that I should read a book called Drop the Rock… if I remember correctly I think this is a 6th
and 7th step AA approved literature book. Yesterday I had
a fantastic yoga teacher who spent the class facilitating growth in the area of
recognizing the difference between efficiency and effectiveness. “Efficiency” she said “is doing items
two through ten on your to do
list and never getting to the two most important things, effectiveness is doing
now the most impactful thing” for our highest goals in life.
I think I am at
a place in my journey where I am ready to unload some of the burdens – rocks of
judgment of self and others, rocks of shame for things I have done in the past,
rocks of worry for the future, rocks of other peoples feelings that I have been
carrying for years. I am ready to
face the fear and walk through it.
I am ready and standing for an expansion in my perception and to become
the efficient AND effective woman of love and power that I am. I feel myself as I write these words
moving into clear seeing again. I
have been in a tunnel of what has felt like confusion and darkness turning to
the light within me which continued to remind me that although it felt dark, I
was on track and in alignment with my souls purpose and to keep forging the
trail of unknown. I noticed
that this is the time when my disease likes to sneak in and attempt to coerce
me into it’s trap…. Gently presenting itself as a sweet desire to have a glass
of wine or a cold beer, but just like any other time I have continued to make
the choice for my happiness, health and wholeness by not drinking, the
Universe is rewarding me with a life that is better than I could have imagined. It’s crazy to think that I would even
consider trading this for a glass of wine, and yes, I have to remind myself
that if I chose to pick up that drink, I am trading it all in for old grapes
that have been stepped on by somebody’s dirty feet anyhow.
So in the light that I reside I chose again, my “blissipline,”
as Michael Beckwith calls it, over my temptation and I am launched into the
next orbit of my being. It’s just
that sometimes the cycle gets more rigorous than others and I find myself
wrestling with my disease and sometimes it sits quietly in the wings because my
recovery is so strong that there is no place for it to be in my mind. The point is not that I am not doing
something right or wrong. The most
important thing is that I am thoroughly honest about where I am in my
disease. Right now, I am dropping
the rocks, I am releasing my burdens, one by one I am putting them down and at
the same time I am putting my wine-glasses on the shelf. No amount of time means you do or don’t
experience wanting to drink or use again, but not saying something can be the
catalyst – the fast track to trading it all in for another experience of the
same. Stay the course today,
brothers and sisters. Look at your
life the day you began your journey in sobriety and look at your life now…. is
it worth it? Love and Joy to you.
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